Why do you stay a disciple?
Fr. Barry Moriarity C.M., the dean of formation at the seminary back in my day, once said this: “If you want to leave the seminary, you will find a reason to do so. It might be the ‘no facial hair’ part of the dress code or the celibacy demanded of priests; it might be the more difficult teachings of the church, or your own grappling with the leadership role the church is asking of you. But if you want to leave, you’ll find a reason to do so. The challenge is to be in touch with the reasons why you stay!” So many years later, I still find wisdom in his remarks.
So, if you want to find a reason to leave the church, you don’t have to look any further than the Grand Jury report out of Pennsylvania. There, in excruciating detail is a list of sins enough to demand penance for the rest of our lives in the church. It is a tough read. And was an even tougher experience for the victims. (I will continue to read it till the end so as to hear the voices of those who were silent and/or silenced for so long.) If you were looking for your excuse, there it is in big, bold, ugly front page headlines. And maybe in ways we did not know a week or so ago, we can hear the poignancy in Jesus voice as he asks not just his disciples then, but us now: “Do you also want to leave?”
Yet, the fact that you are still here (or still reading this online) says that at least on one level, you are still making that choice to stay. Maybe you are just hanging on by your fingertips. Maybe that commitment is the not-so-ringing initial endorsement of Simon Peter – “Uh, Lord, where else are we going to go? We got nothing. We got nothin’ else.” And though that might be an okay reason not to leave, it is not enough reason to stay, is it? But God bless Simon, who always speaks before his heart can catch up to his words – his heart does catch up and he continues: “You have the words of everlasting life…” Ahh!
That is why I stay. I keep coming back to Jesus/and his church because I have heard in his words and teaching, –however perplexing –something that rings true. Perhaps it may ring true in you as well.
- I experience in my attempts to follow the gospel a life that wells up in me beyond my own small world, one that calls me to be MORE – more forgiving, more expansive in my love, more committed to the works of justice than I ever would on my own. The church has given me a horizon called the Kingdom of God, against which I live my life and toward which I continuously strive.
- I stay because there is a presence here at this altar that I find NO WHERE else on this planet. THIS experience of communion, this experience of life, gathered around a table, NOT JUST AS INDIVIDUALS, but TOGETHER – I only find here. Here, in this communion with you, I feel more alive than I do anywhere else in my world. Not on the golf course, not a dinner with my best friends, not exercising or enjoying nature. HERE, around this altar, gathered with you in prayer, I know the presence of the One who has life for me, for US, as we walk the road together. And I am so grateful that I am blessed to walk these days with you. What a gift to be a part of this imperfect church side-by-side with you, and with people of goodness all over the world. Together we are called to help transform this church of 2018 into the church God meant it to be.
- It is because of this Bread of Life that we share that I can say: Yes, Lord, I have come to believe that you are the Holy One of God… And I can commit my whole life, not because I am sure of myself or even the church these days, but because I am sure of you, Lord. I am sure of you.
And once we make that choice to not just not leave, but to stay, what do we do next? Fr. Mike Schmitz who writes for Ascension press said it simply. “Don’t leave the church. LEAD the church. And the best way we do that is to become saints. That’s it. Nothing short of that is going to help anything. When the things gets difficult. When you say: This is disgusting, ugly, sinful, lead by asking: What is disgusting, ugly, sinful in my life? And STOP IT. Stop those behaviors. When you see infidelity, corruption, and compromise ask: Where in my life is there infidelity, corruption, compromise in my life? And then weed it out, root it out of your life. Don’t leave the church. Lead it. That is what the church needs more than ever – people who are willing to be uncompromising with themselves in their pursuit of Jesus. To be courageous, faithful, to become holy and to lead the church by becoming holy.
Fr. Barry Moriarity got it right in terms of the seminary – if you want to leave, you’ll find a reason. Peter got it right in terms of Jesus – if you want to stay, you’ll need to be in touch with that experience of everlasting life, of everlasting love that wells up within you. Don’t leave the church during these difficult days. LEAD the church.
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And here are my remarks before each of the masses.
I am still so sad and so sorry and so angry about everything going on in our church. These days are a struggle, certainly for me, and I suspect for all of us. And I am not leaving the wounded church of Christ I love. Thank you for being here this weekend.
1) Pope Francis has written a papal letter addressed to every Catholic around the world. You can find it easily on our St. Justin Martyr Website. It is a call to repentance and Holiness of Life and a conversion of the structures of the church. It is, I think, a must read for all.
2) Archbishop Carlson has asked the Attorney General, Josh Hawley, to review all of the clergy files in the St. Louis Archdiocese. I am glad. Only the light of day can purify us of this horrific scourge. And though I would like to think that what they will find is that our house is perfectly in order, I have no idea what is there. But whatever it is, whenever it comes out, we will face it together.
3) You may have noticed when you came in that we have put our Lenten cross in the gathering space. It is a sign of our solidarity with all victims of abuse, and in a special way with all those who have been abused by a priest or other trusted leader of the Church.
You are invited to touch that cross on the way in or out of church to bring your prayers and anger and heartache to Jesus, the innocent son of God, who was himself mercilessly victimized on the cross.
That cross will stay in the gathering space this and next weekend, and then we will bring it into the sanctuary, where it will stay until the Feast Day of the Exaltation of the Cross, on Sept. 14th. The church will be open all day on that Friday, and we will conclude the day of reparation with a Holy Hour from 5 to 6pm. beginning with Evening Prayer and concluding with Benediction. There are other opportunities offered around the Archdiocese for prayer – see the St. Louis review for a listing.
4) Finally there is this. I know that there are some people here who were abused by someone other than a priest, most often by a family member or relative, or someone else whom you trusted and who should have protected you, not taken advantage of you. I am so, so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that and it is not your fault. And I would imagine that the news of these days touches into your pain anew. Whether or not you choose to take a moment with that cross on the way out of Church, please know that Jesus gets you. He knows your suffering. And you get Jesus in a way that many never will. Jesus was an innocent victim. He is on YOUR side. He weeps with you – and with all victims. That cross is there for YOU, as are the prayers we offer at the foot of that cross these days.
May God help us to become more and more the people and the church who Jesus has always meant us to be.
St. Justin Martyr: Pray for us.