Who dropped the stone first?
The first one was the loudest. It landed with a dull ‘thud’ that startled those standing in that embarrassed circle. It had to have been the toughest one to drop, because the dust it raised would betray the hand that dropped it. Who dropped the stone first?
Was it someone guilty of the same sin?
Was it someone who had betrayed/hurt their spouse, maybe not as obviously as the woman had, but, nonetheless, the guilt meter was running high?
Was it someone who was a victim of too many stones in their own life, and in that silence found a solidarity with the woman made to stand there in the middle?
Was it one of the older, wiser ones, who had taught themselves over the course of their lifetime how to recognize truth when they heard it? And in the words of Jesus, they knew the truth…
What do you think? Who dropped it first? Though we’ll never know this side of eternity, my answer is this: The one who dropped it first was the one who realized at that moment that they had a stone in their hands…and realized the truth about what that stone said about them…
So a quick story about the stone I discovered in my hand. I stopped by the fish fry at my former parish Friday night. As the 8th person in a row asked “How is your new parish going?”, I looked down and found that my hand had balled itself into a fist. Whoa! What is THAT doing there? Did not see that one coming! I LOVE my new parish, said the voice in my head. And yet, there it was – that fist. So, as I drove home in silence, I thought about what my body was trying to tell me.
Pretty quickly on, I realized what the stone’s name was. Resentment. “Really?”, a part of me fought back. Really! Resentment with a tinge of jealousy. I resented that I have been here two and a half years and how hard it STILL is to learn names. That night, I knew everyone at the fish fry. I resented the fact that I am a terrible delegator at times, and end up doing more work than I should or is helpful for lay leadership in a parish. I resented how frustrated I have been when a single bolt of thunder cracks across the sky and 5 more circuits are fried. I resented the fact that three of our choir microphones mysteriously disappeared sometime between Wed. a.m. and Friday a.m. (and just as mysteriously returned by Saturday 5pm mass, but I did not know that at the time.) And the twinge of jealousy I felt was because I loved my St. Ann and my Newman Center work for those 16 years, and now Fr. Nick got to minister to those wonderful people. (Make no mistake, I love being here. I just don’t have 16 years of stories under my belt yet…) Resentment, with a twinge of jealousy.
But here is what bothered me the most. I realized that list of resentments could probably go on in other areas of my life for as long as I cared to put energy into making a list. How did I give away that much power in my life to that subtle demon of ‘what used to be’ even as I love what is…?
And here is the second graced moment on that car ride home. Nearly as quickly as it took to name those resentments came the conviction that I did NOT want that stone in my hand. I didn’t want it there because it said so much more about me than it ever does about God’s goodness to me. And as long as I held onto that stone, I WAS TRAPPED by what that stone said about me. And the only way to be free is let go of the stone.
That’s who dropped the stone first in today’s gospel story. The person who realized that the stone in their hand said more about them than it ever did about the woman caught in the act of adultery. That nameless person in the crowd found the strength to let go of their stone, because they realized that as long as they held the stone, they were as trapped as the woman before them was…
How do you learn to let go of stones like that? How do you let go of stones of resentment or anger or jealousy or judgment or bitterness or whatever you have wrapped your hand around? It starts, I think, by realizing that you have one in your hand in the first place.
So this week, (though I get it this will be easier for guys to do than women,) I invite you to find a stone to carry with you physically <<show stone>> in your pocket this coming week. I recommend round and smooth, like this one, so it won’t scrape a hole in your pocket. Ladies, put one in your purse, or on a counter or somewhere where you will see it often. Become familiar with its shape and size and weight. As often as you feel it’s weight, let it help you to feel the weight of resentment or anger or bitterness or jealousy or…. whatever the stone is that says more about you than the event/person who made you aware of it. Let it reveal to you the stone(s) that you and I carry with us without our ever being aware. And let it remind us that as long as we carry that stone, we are as trapped as the situation that made us carry it in the first place.
And then, let it connect you to our Lord desire for you in today’s gospel. You see, Jesus wanted freedom, not JUST for the woman, but for all of those who held the stones in that circle. He asks the woman, with sadness in his voice: “Where did they all go? I wanted them to stand with you. I wanted THEM to be free of their stones and their judgments. I wanted LIFE for them as well.” And that is still his desire for you and me.
Who dropped the stone first? With God’s grace, let it be you and I this week. Let it be you and I this week…