Gospel question: How do you pray during these difficult times?
Allow me to read a letter/prayer in place of my usual homily. I confess that I shamelessly stole the first line from Fr. James Martin, SJ. My hope is that it might resonate with you during these painful days since the grand jury report in Pennsylvania and provide a bit of direction going forward.
Dear God,
Sometimes I get so angry at your church. So angry! “Horrific.” “Sickening.” “Despicable.” “Intrinsically Evil.” I don’t have a big enough vocabulary to find words for my feelings of being scandalized. And I am not even one of the victims here. So I cannot begin to imagine what it might be like to be living in their skins, not just this week, but every day since their abuse happened. Over a thousand of your faithful flock, spanning 70 years, victimized by 301 priests. And that is just in 6 dioceses in Pennsylvania. Words fail me. And my heart breaks for the victims…
Sometimes my hope falters in the face of such evil. HOW? How could the shepherds so betray the sheep? How could men who publicly dedicated their lives to serve the people of God go so far astray? And what does this do to the rest of us?
A friend wrote in an email:
I am so confused I can not see straight. What else is a farce [in the church]? The teachings on homosexuality? on Humanae Vitae? On divorce? These are difficult and painful teachings for me to wrap my heart around and bet my soul and the souls of my children on. But I do because I rely on “the church” and 2000 years of Catholic theology as my True North. But this is gutting.
While I understand that no sin is beyond His forgiveness, I think the wound opened here is about more than the events in Pennsylvania; it’s deeper than Boston, Chile, a Cardinal McCarrick…
IS the Catholic church the “one true church”?
I ache for my friend, and for so many who will lose faith because of the failure of the shepherds who were supposed to feed the flock, but tended to themselves instead. I ache for every victim whose faith was taken from them; for every parishioner who is ashamed to read the daily papers; for every catholic college student who will be asked to defend the indefensible in their dorm rooms this first weekend away from home and be shamed into not going to church. Isn’t that what scandal does to us? It makes us want to throw out the message because of the failings of the messengers.
I know you promised us your Spirit to keep the church from falling too long into error. I have sensed that Spirit so often in my life, calling me to get up from my sins, inviting me to leave behind all the paths that lead to selfishness and smallness of heart. And if there is a small piece of hope in this report, it is that the Spirit has been active in your church. And though it is scant comfort to the abused, most of the wounding that it reports is now decades old. The first round of medicine from the Dallas Charter of 2002 is having an effect. Your Spirit does indeed continue to guide your church.
Your church…. ….. …..
Maybe that is where I need to change my praying, Lord.
Because it is not YOUR church that makes me so angry, but OUR church that does. MY church that does. And as tough as it is to acknowledge that, it is just that: My church. My responsibility to make holy by the life I live, the service I give, the flock I tend and shepherd. It is the one church that you entrusted to me and to all your family of believers throughout the generations.
And it is still so wounded. So imperfect. So needing to be reformed. A spotless bride no longer.
Yet You love Her still, even in the midst of Her sinfulness.
And I love Her still.
Maybe I shouldn’t, in the face of this failure on such a massive scale. But I do, because I know the hope and dream buried deepest inside her – as a mother, a teacher, a beacon at her best – I know how life is meant to be lived and lived to the full – in sacrificial and self emptying love – precisely through this church and the holy people in it.
And if your love could raise your Son from the stone cold of the tomb; if your Son could promise that whoever eats his flesh and drinks his blood has eternal life and that he will raise them on the last day, then by their Spirit’s power, let my communion this day be a pledge to shine light into every area of our current darkness.
Let my love for you, Lord, and your church, express itself in concrete ways.
- Never will I remain silent in the face of suspected/actual abuse.
- Never will I permit my church – our church – to be anything but transparent and accountable in protecting all God’s children.
- Never will I live in a way other than being transparent and accountable in protecting God’s children.
- Never will I stop in my efforts to foster healing for those we have so wounded.
I am still so angry, God, at our church. But, by your grace, I am still here. Let my prayer this day and all days, be a healing balm for your wounded bride – for our wounded bride – the church you loved into life.
Let me do the same. Let me love her back into life!
Amen.
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The following comments were given before the 7:30 and 11am mass, as Fr. Johnson was the homilist for those masses.
In light of the release of the Grand Jury report in Pennsylvania allow me to say a few words.
1) If you have read anything about the report, you know that some priests and bishops utterly failed in their primary duty to love and protect those who were most vulnerable, and instead used their trusted position for their own gratification. Others failed to respond when they knew that abuse was happening. If you are furious or sad or disgusted or heartsick, I don’t blame you. Anger, disgust and sadness are the proper response to evil and sin. Count me in your number.
2) We begin each mass with the words: “Let us call to mind our sins and so prepare ourselves to celebrate these sacred mysteries.” Conversion is always the starting point for holiness. As painful as it may be, we cannot move forward as a Church until we acknowledge our sins. Part of that acknowledgment is the hard work of listening to the victims. They are not pretty stories to hear.
The other part of conversion is the firm purpose of amendment. Though you may come up with your own list, here is my starting place.
· Never will I remain silent in the face of suspected/actual abuse.
· Never will I live in a way that will permit our church to be anything but transparent and accountable in protecting all God’s children.
· Never will I be anything but transparent and accountable…
· Never will I stop in my efforts to foster healing for those we have so wounded.
3) Though there are layers and layers of sadness for me in this scandal, here is the danger inherent in these days. I know good hearted people who are torn apart and questioning and wondering if and how a church that did or overlooked such abuse could ever be the church that Christ founded. That is what scandal does. It tempts us to throw away the message because of the failures of the messengers. And instead of doing the hard work of reform, we simply leave. If we do so, the devil has won. Be angry. Be outraged. Demand justice. But don’t quit on the church. I am not. I will not. I love her – and I love you too much to do so.
4) Healing from this scandal will not come quickly. There will be more voices from different corners of the church with more pain and sorrow and tragic stories that need to be heard. And more structures that need to be changed and mended and made whole and holy. This is not going to be a sprint, but a marathon. What it took the church generations to behave its way into, may take generations to behave our way out of.
But I still believe in one God, Father, Son and Spirit. And that Spirit has not left us to walk this journey alone. Through the Spirit, Jesus Christ remains the Shepherd of this church – not our favorite priest or least favorite priest or anyone in between. Therein dwells our hope going forward. Not in cleverly crafted words of contrition, not in programs or reforms or strategies to combat this going forward. (Those are still so necessary). But in Christ we trust. And, if I or Father Johnson can do anything to help you these days – we are here for you. The door is open. The phone lines are ready.
Please know that we pray for all of you every day.
And we ask you for your continued prayers for the healing of all the victims.
St. Justin Martyr, Pray for Us.