I think I have always been a depressed person!
When I was in grade school, I thought other kids had better features than me, better hair, stronger athletic abilities and academically smarter. I was not a good student, nor was I good in sports. I did not have many friends. Since I was not a good student, my parents were always being called because I was disruptive or did not have my homework. I was even told I was a “sinner” because of my disruptive nature.
In High School, I found I was good in SHOP class. I began making wooden objects. People saw I had talents there and began asking me to make things. Eventually, this skill influenced my decision to work as a carpenter.
I began my business with no knowledge of how to run a business. I earned money and bought tools and equipment. I needed other workers to help me on jobs, but was always behind with money management. I turned to alcohol and tried to earn money to buy more tools and drink. These addictions lead to more depression.
When I was 26, I met and married a wonderful girl. “I sinned every night for years and until I met her, I felt redeemed in a way.”
Twelve years and 2 children later, I had a major Paranoid event and my whole world changed. I spent many months on multiple medication changes before finding ones that worked. I knew I had always been depressed and had poor self esteem, but was not prepared for the diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. Finally I understood that I “needed” a psychiatrist, and have had the same person caring for me. I feel this condition is under control at the present time.
Meanwhile, I was less and less able to conduct any business. I also developed several other medical conditions over the years, making it impossible to work. I actually went thru bankruptcy.
The strength I currently have comes from my wife and children. I could be on the streets if not for them. They are what keep me going day by day.
I did not go to church for many years, but returned a few years ago. “I have friends in Church I did not have before. I like that. I’m at peace in Church. It doesn’t follow me home. I still struggle with my daily routine.”